Now that the New Year is approaching, I can’t help but think about how I need to make it back to my gym more often. Sure, the exercise is important, but you know what I miss the most? Sitting on the locker room couch, heckling HGTV, and taking advantage of what limited time I have left with my children in the gym’s childcare.
If there is extra time left after my workout, I enjoy a snack and a chance to actually sit down without tiny humans touching me. It’s not too often I get to watch tv shows by myself, and the gym I attend usually features an HGTV show in the lounging area of the locker room.
Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing the transformations and what layouts and features appear in the various houses. HGTV creates beautiful remodels and designs that I am envious of. However, the gap between reality and expectation on some of those shows is quite comical.
Love it or List it
One day, I had settled into a couch, pulled out my granola bar, and caught the end of a typical episode featuring a couple with small children. It was not beyond reasonable doubt that they had outgrown their home and needed to list it.
As the camera did a sweep over the finished product of their current home, just one bin of toys was out in the microscopic play area of the living room.
Now that I am older, I have discovered that I have a lot more snarky commentary to add to those shows.
I thought to myself, with just one dumping over of the toy bin, all the surface area of that play space would be covered.
I blurted out, “That’s it? Those are ALL the toys you think that they have? There is no way that they are staying in their house!”
The woman across from me started giggling and told me she was a mom too.
The footage swept across a featured pristine dining area with beautiful vases, contemporary china, and elegant glassware set out.
“All that glass with small kids around? What are they going to knock off the table first?”
After that, the show spotlighted a before and after on a new glass partition that opened up the room. The designer had replaced part of the drywall separating the stairs from the living room with a glass panel.
“Really? More glass with kids around? How long before there are hand prints all over that glass?”
The other mom and I continued to laugh at the absurdity of the staged, remodeled house. We feigned surprise when the couple decided to list their house.
As I headed off to pick up my own small children, I bid farewell to my new viewing buddy. I can’t say that I’ve enjoyed myself as much on other trips to the gym. Those ones didn’t include a little locker room mom-style bantering.
I hope to do more of that this next year, but I am not limited to just Love It or List It. Thankfully that channel provides a number of shows with a predictable format that I love to scoff at.
Where to even begin? There are so many options on what to heckle, here.
House Hunters is notorious for featuring people with obscure jobs who are searching for homes with some quirky, pinpointed specifications.
Those producers must get some kicks selecting their new clients for each episode. You’re a professional goat walker with a crazy budget? You train honey bees to only pollinate dandelions in forest preserves and would like to live within a stones throw of a hive with an ocean view? We’d love to have you on our next episode!
Have you ever wondered, what my episode of House Hunters would be like? Well, wait no longer, because I am here to enlighten you!
In my episode you meet Sonja, a professional dishwasher. She is searching for a home with an Olympic-sized pool for her synchronized swimmers to practice their duet in. Her budget is $6,112,019.
The episode ends with the viewer rolling their eyes at Sonja preparing chocolate covered almonds in her new open concept kitchen while laughing with her dentist’s receptionist.
Looking Forward to Your Episode
I can’t wait to heckle your episode the next time I find a moment to relax on the locker room couch.
I promise to bring my snarkiest comments when you only fixate on the color of the walls. Perhaps you will mention for the umpteenth time all the entertaining you plan on doing in your new home.
Of course, this will be after I have done my “rigorous”workout getting myself back into svelte mode this new year. That is, if my little one ever decides that she is done teething. I would love to get to the point where she will last more than 20 minutes in the childcare so I can return to my HGTV guilty pleasure.